MOMMA, I'VE GOT A SECRET
by Donna McIntosh
Summary: Jack plays a childhood game with his Momma over the years.


Title: MOMMA, I GOT A SECRET

Author: Brokeback Mountain

Pairing: Jack and Ennis

Rating: R

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx. I make no money off them.

Summary: Jack plays a childhood game with his Momma over the years.

MOMMA, I'VE GOT A SECRET

1963

"Momma!" He ran from his truck, grabbed her up and swung her

around. "It's so good to see you!" He kissed her cheek.

"Jackie! I'm so glad you're home. I got a room all ready for you.

Put you in one of the bigger rooms this time. That little room just

won't do anymore. Can't believe how tall you've gotten! But you're

so skinny. You don't eat enough. Never did." They strolled into

the kitchen, arms around each other, chattering all the way.

"Oh! Momma! Something smells good. Did you bake that cherry cake I

like so much?" He sniffed around the kitchen.

"I sure enough did. Started bakin right after you called. Thought

you was gonna be up in the mountains till September? What happened?

You didn't go get yourself in trouble, now did you?" She sliced him

a piece of cake and put it on the table in front of him where he

sprawled in a chair. Coffee came next and with a cup for herself as

well and she joined him.

"No, Momma. I ain't in no trouble." He grinned around fork-fulls of

cake. "I got me a secret though." He added with a devilish grin.

"Oh, Jackie. You gonna make me guess? I could tell you had somethin

on your mind, minute I laid eyes on you. What you been up to?" One

hand around her coffee, the other caressing Jack's arm.

He leaned back in his chair, looked into her sweet loving

face. "Remember, you always used to tell me that one day I would

find someone special, someone who would care for me. You remember

that, Momma?"

"You met someone?" She was glad for her son's happiness; he had seen

so little of it in his life. It did worry her though, who this

someone might be. She hoped it might be a woman to give her

grandchildren but had serious doubts that would ever happen.

"I did." He nodded, taking a sip of coffee. "He's like no one I've

ever met before. He's...Oh, I don't know how to describe him. He's

just special is all." He picked at the last pieces of cake on his

plate.

"Well, if he makes you happy then he must be special." She smiled at

him.

"He's kinda shy. Actually he's downright paranoid about...certain

things. He ain't got no folks. They was killed in a car crash when

he was just 14. Been on his own mostly since then. With his brother

and sister for a time but they both married up and he's alone now.

He's 19 like me."

"Oh, how sad. He must be very lonely." She took his plate to the

sink, came back with the coffee pot and re-filled both their

cups. "Where did you meet him?"

"He was waitin at Aguairre's place for work when I got there. We

worked the sheep together past coupla months."

His dad's pickup pulled up out front. "Don't tell Pa, OK. Not yet."

"Sure son. Go get yourself cleaned up now. Supper will be ready

soon."

1967

It was raining when he arrive at his folks place. His momma stood

with the door open and he dashed from the truck to the warmth of the

great smelling kitchen. He hugged her first then took off his wet

hat and coat; toed off his boots. He sat at the table and took a

freshly baked cookie of the plate in front of him and began to munch.

"How you doin, son. You're lookin tired," she caressed the back of

his head, then sat down next to him.

"I'm fine, Momma. It was a long drive is all." Another cookie and

he drained the glass of milk sitting in front of him.

"Well, you're at least, fillin out a little. Ain't as skinny as you

was. Lureen must be feedin you right."

"She is, Momma." That devilish smile crossed his face and he grinned

at her. "I got another secret."

The light in his eyes as he said it made her remember the last time

they played this little child-hood game. That was when he had told

her about Ennis Del Mar.

She smiled an adoring smile at him and asked, "Are you gonna tell me?

Or do I have to guess?"

"I saw him again, Momma. I saw Ennis." He waited for her reaction

before going any further.

"In Childress?" she asked.

"No. He lives in Riverton now. He got married and he has two baby

girls." He wasn't happy about sharing that part of the story but he

wasn't in the habit of telling his momma half a story. It was either

all or nothing.

"I see." she said. A nice unbiased little answer.

"Momma. I know what you're thinkin." He reached across the table

and took her hand. "If you coulda just seen his face. That look

when he saw me. I know he feels the same way I do. I just know it."

"Son, if he's married now and with babies..."

"I know. I know, I know." He stood up and walked around the small

room. "I just can't explain it to you. How I feel. And I know he

feels the same way I do. I know it."

"So, the two of you...making plans then?" She looked down, smoothed

the table cloth, not wanting to meet his eyes.

"Not exactly. Not permanent ones. We're gonna meet up again in a

few months. Go off campin in the mountains for a week."

"You sure this is what you wanna do? What about Lureen and Bobby?

What about his wife and babies?"

"I don't know, Momma. I really don't. We don't want to hurt no one,

least of all our families, but we are gonna do this. We need this

time."

"All right, Jackie. I know you'll do what's best. You're a good

boy. Always have been!"

1975

"Hey, Son. This is a nice surprise. You didn't call..." she

stopped, noticing the look on her son's face as he climbed out of his

truck. "What is it?" She came to him, took his face in both her

hands, kissed his cheek.

He stood there, 6 foot 2 inches of blue-eyed misery. His head dropped

to her shoulder and the tears came.

"Come, Son. Come inside." She took him inside, sat him down at the

table. "Take a deep breath now, darlin and tell me what happened."

She dried his tears with the corner of her apron and sat down next to

him.

"I don't know. Been drivin mostly; two maybe three days. Started for

home then changed my mind. Didn't wanna go there. Came back up here

to see you." His eyes were swollen and blood-shot. He'd been crying

for some time she could tell.

"I'm glad you did. This is where you belong when you're troubled."

She smiled a weak smile at him.

"He doesn't want me, Momma. He sent me a post card sayin he got

divorced. I drove 14 hours up here to be with him. He sent me

away. Said he had to spend time with his girls. Couldn't stand

anyone seein me there at his place." He choked back the tears.

"Son, I'm so sorry. This is such a difficult situation. You know

how strong the bond is between a daddy and his child."

She really didn't know what else to say.

"Yes, Momma. I know. But I thought...I mean, with the divorce and

all...I shoulda called. Not just show up like that."

"That probably would have been best, under the circumstances." She

tried to comfort him.

"I know he loves me, Momma. I know it sure as I know the sun is

gonna rise tomorrow. He's just has this awful fear inside him.

Afraid of bein 'caught'. Like it'd be doin somethin wrong to be with

me."

"A lot of people were brung up believin that way. Ain't nothin can

change their minds on it."

"Do you believe that, Momma? Do you believe that my lovin Ennis is

wrong?" He stared at her, tears still glistening in his eyelashes.

"Son, I think love is always good. It's just the situations that are

bad sometimes. Some things just aren't meant to be."

"But how do you know? I know in my heart that he and I belong

together. I can feel it. I just can't seem to make him see it."

"That's the sadness of the situation, Son. People don't see things

the same way."

"I know he loves me. I know it." He laid his head on the table on

crossed arms.

She laid her hand on his head and just left if there. This simple

touch always soothed him as a child. She hoped it would offer him

some comfort now.

1980

"Sorry, Momma. I gotta go. I wanna be gone before Pa gets back." he

kissed her standing there beside his truck, tears in her eyes that

this visit had been cut so short.

"He don't mean nothin by that kinda talk, Son. That's just the way

he is; the way he was brung up."

"I know it, Momma, but I can't take no more of his nasty remarks

about Ennis and me. He WILL come up here with me one of these days.

I promise you that." He hugged her close, then got in his truck and

left.

1982

"Yes, operator. Lightning Flat. That's right." He waited while the

phone clicked and buzzed in his hear.

"Hello?" Her small voice answered.

"Hey, Momma. It's me. Guess what? I've got a secret."

"Jackie! You comin to see us? Soon?"

"Yeah, Momma. I'm comin. And I ain't comin alone. You can tell Pa

we'll be there for dinner." He grinned out the window of the phone

booth at Ennis sitting, waiting in the truck. The truck with the

trailer hitched behind it.

The End


End file.
